Dogs and conspiracy theories are two of humans’ favorite things in the world. One would expect people to combine the two as they would chocolate and vanilla soft serve ice cream, but when it comes to conspiracy theories, dogs are notably rare. If you search ‘dog’ on conspiracy.net, the Internet’s most extensive conspiracy database, you will only find theories relating to Turkish President Reycep ErDOGan.
That does not, however, mean that dog conspiracy theories do not exist. The vast majority of human cultures around the worlds love and cherish their canine companions, and while they are strangely rare, the following conspiracy theories, ranging from mundane to very heavy and highly plausible, deriving from anything between twitter trolling and science, have surfaced in recent years.
Obama Named his Dog Sunni, Not Sunny
In 2013, the Obama family got another Portuguese waterdog as a companion to their other pal Bo, and they decided to name it Sunny. The puppy Sunny was fuzzy and cute … too cute.
It didn’t take long for twitter trolls to draw a link between the Sunny and Barack Hussein Obama’s dubious link to Sunni Islam. It was just another breadcrumb in a long trail that included his refusal to show his birth certificate, or say ‘Islamic terrorist.’
Obama insulting choice of name for his new dog (Sunni) triggers religious protests all over the world (~__^ )
The Unofficial Mascot of the Milwaukee Brewers, Hank the Dog, Died and Was Replaced
A few years ago, a small, fluffy white stranger showed up injured to the Milwaukee Brewer’s spring training camp. The team immediately adopted him and dubbed him ‘Hank the dog,’ a reference to Hank Williams who began his career as a Brewer. Hank the dog was beloved of fans and players alike, and was often trotted out onto the field during game time.
But last year, fans began noticing something: Hank looked different. The new Hank seems bigger and fluffier, and appeared to many fans to be a new dog altogether. Many drew the conclusion that Hank had died and been replaced by an imposter. While the Brewers insist it’s the same dog, Brew Crew Ball, a fan website, has compiled a full list of things that don’t quite add up.
Dogs Domesticated Humans
Or at least they mooch off of society in a huge way. An article published in The Atlantic details how not only dogs benefit in a huge way from hanging out with humans, they also dictate a great amount of the daily routine of every dog owner.
According to the author, there’s also a huge disparity between what we know about dogs and what research has been done on other animals. Very curious. What is known about dogs is that they were not domesticated by different groups of humans. Instead, it appears that the event of domestication happened just one or two times, and all dog families stem from that ur-dog.
What’s more, the same research suggests it happened over 100,000 years ago (which greatly exceeds other estimates), at a time when the homo erectus had barely just evolved and many communities were in transitional phases, migrating to escape hostile climates.
From this evidence, the scientists theorized that a small group of dogs latched on to humans because they found it was beneficial for their survival. In other words, dogs trained humans to provide for them. By making themselves useful, dogs were guaranteed a consistent source of security and food. The whole man-dog bonding thing happened later.
Humans and Dogs Brought Killed the Neanderthal
Archeologists believe Neanderthals disappeared from the world around 50,000 to 60,000 years ago. This coincides with the extinction of other large predators in Europe as well, including several ancient big cat species. Another thing happened around that time: humans arrived in the region. According to anthropologist Pat Shipman, this can be explained by the burgeoning relationship between man and dog.
Similar to the previous theory, Shipman argues in her book The Invaders that man and dog formed a symbiotic relationship in the wilds of western and northern Europe. The theory goes that wolves would corner their prey and surround it with the pack. From there, humans would jump in with their spears and go for the kill, sharing the fruits of their labor.
To leave the realm of theory, the fact remains that dogs are awesome. It’s a testament to society’s love of the canine species that so few conspiracy theories about dogs exist. Keep the tail wagging.